While I was in the Air Force me and my buds decided we were bored and we weren’t 21 yet so bars were out of the question and getting alcohol was trying to say the least at times. So we drove into the city and visited the local adult entertainment store. While it seems a tad bit gay that four guys would go into a porn store together I promise you we weren’t. We just thought what the hell. Anyways while we were in there my buddy JB decided he was going to buy a penis pump for no other reason other than he wanted to see what it was like. JB was crazy like that but that was him. This is the same guy who bought a pocket pussy and stuffed in between the cushions of his couch and humped it. Once he got tired of that couch, he traded couches with another guy who was doing the same thing. But that’s a different story, I digress. Like I was saying JB bought the penis pump, and we left. We scored some alcohol and went to meet some friends who just got off work to drink and hang out.
So there we are driving back to base, blasting some music and when all the sudden we hear JB say “Holy shit it works” None of us thinking what he was talking about all turned to look to see JB sitting there in the back seat pants around his ankles and penis in the pump. None of us had noticed while we were driving that he was opening the box and taking his pants off. We just got the ending where we saw his penis in the penis pump. We all quickly turned away in discuss as he sat there and laughed calling us meat gazers.
His laughter soon was silenced with the fact that he couldn’t get the penis pump off. See while he secretly was able to pull of the prank without any of us noticing, he failed to read the directions and pumped the pump so much that the pressure was great that an airtight seal had form where no air was getting in or out. Freaking out he looks for the pressure release valve only to find he had bought a faulty pump where the valve did not work...
The rest of us laughed without concern for our friend and his over enlarger penis stuck in the pump. He got out of the car and tried lying down on the ground beating the pump to try and crack it only to fail at his efforts. This and other failed ideas went on for what seemed like forever but was only a few minutes until I pulled out a drill to try and put a hole in the pump to release the pressure. Tears came to his eyes and the phone held in his hand waiting to call 911 in case something went horribly wrong. Just as I put the drill to the pump to start the drilling the relief valve popped open and the pressure was released. JB quickly pulled himself out of the pump and his pants back up. He then threw the pump away and said he was done with it. Later that night and many beers later the pumped disappeared. To this day no one knows what happen to it, but it said that somebody somewhere is using it for good... Actually JB just took it back to the porn store and got another one that worked right. Yes they actually take those things back…
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