Well tomorrow is March 17 and it is my Birthday. I will be 30 years old, and I felt it would be awesome to write down 30 things I have learned in 30 years. They aren't listed in any type of order of importance, but just how I thought of them. Some of these I learned from first hand experience and others by watching others live them. Hopefully in 30 years I can write 60 things I've learned in 60 years.So read, laugh and enjoy.....
1) Jail is not as cool as it seems on TV
2) You never want to marry a stripper... It’s like buying a used rent a car.
3) Don’t sweat the small shit
4) Keep shit simple stupid
5) Never ask for An Irish Car Bomb (the drink) when in a pub in Ireland.
6) There is a God and he has a sense of humor, how else do you explain platypuses
7) Nobody ever actually sees “The Big Picture”… It’s just something people in authority say when they are either losing an argument and need something to trump you or when someone doesn’t know what the hell they are talking about.
8) People are crazy
9) Whoever said money doesn’t buy you happiness is full of shit. The only people who say that have a shit load of money. When is the last time you seen person on a corner hold up a sign that read “I will work for food, but I am happy”.
10) There isn’t such a thing as a stupid question but there are stupid people who ask questions.
11) Sporks are the single greatest kitchen utensil ever
12) Boobs are awesome and are a man’s favorite toy
13) Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one and they all stink
14) Common Sense is like deodorant, those who need it don’t use it
15) The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do
16) Always carry a knife
17) Never forget where you come from
18) Always respect and love mama
19) Sometimes you just have to have faith
20) You cannot drink a gallon of milk in under an hour and not puke.
21) The road to success is always under construction
22) If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
23) Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
24) Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
25) Girls are like phones. They love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!
26) Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils and everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.
27) Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together
28) A penis is a great thing to have and fun to play with no matter how old you get.
29) Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died
30) Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
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